CNY Inspirations: Caregiving is redemptive

This feature is coordinated by The Post-Standard, Syracuse.com and InterFaith Works of CNY. Follow this theme and author posted Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.
“Come on, Pasinski, you should know that!”
Once again, I was being upbraided by this curmudgeon, retired Renaissance-like professor, who challenged me nearly every time I came in the door with a quotation of poetry, philosophy, or theology.
If I answered correctly, I would get a wry smile of approval and maybe a, “well done.” When I did not, it would be more like, “Here, look this up and you’ll learn something.” In addition, we would laugh!
In addition, I will carry him with me for my life as one of the greatest examples of caring that I ever met. I will be obscure on the details, but he cared for his wife, who was completely immobilized, with a degree of fidelity, creativity, and painstaking love that I have rarely seen and could only hope to imitate. He lived what Arthur Kleinman calls in his book of the same title, “The Soul of Care.”
Not overtly religious, he took the most profound spiritual and philosophical quotations and illustrated them in ways that brought you deeper into the mystery of life and meaning. He lived what Kleinman – a world-renowned Harvard psychiatrist and medical ethnologist – describes in his journey as a caregiver for his wife, Joan, who had dementia.
He says, “Caregiving, for me, at its deepest was redemptive. It redeemed me…. in caregiving, there is a common tug of war between the sometimes-bitter feelings that care is a burden and the more heartening certainty that no matter how burdensome, it is ultimately rewarding.” That is one challenging thought!
My friend never expressed that verbally, but I saw it lived as I watched him over the years through periods of anxiety, weariness, anger, hurt, despair, and through it all, intense, personal demanding caregiving.
“And so, in the end, the soul of care pivots to care of the soul.” Inauspiciously, my friend took good care of his soul…and certainly helped mine.
Dave Pasinski is active in educational, community, and spiritual groups. He is an on-call chaplain with Hospice, a member of the Post Trauma Response Team, and a Red Cross spiritual care provider.